


hephaestus club is a REAL THING, isabel!

by and_hera



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Chatting & Messaging, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, M/M, this is so stupid guys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:35:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27286525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/and_hera/pseuds/and_hera
Summary: amaxwell:Great. Let’s go be monsters.djacobi:i am begging you to stopamaxwell:no that’s the funniest thing you have ever saiddjacobi:alana pleaseamaxwell:we were literally just cheating on pryce’s testor, the only enemies for the Hephaestus crew to face are shitty exes and Latin homework.
Relationships: Daniel Jacobi/Warren Kepler, Hera/Alana Maxwell, Isabel Lovelace/Renée Minkowski, they're all friends too
Comments: 14
Kudos: 68





	hephaestus club is a REAL THING, isabel!

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [goddard university is a respectable establishment](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24548890) by [coffeedregs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeedregs/pseuds/coffeedregs). 



> hello w359 nation!  
> this is a very stupid chatfic about the hephaestus crew in high school, inspired by the infamous college au. they are all friends here! nothing bad happens! gay people are real!!  
> i hope you all enjoy <3

**we suffer together**

wednesday, 12:29 p.m.

**ilovelace:** alright who was on the schedule today

**hera:** wasn’t it you

**ilovelace:** no it definitely wasn’t me i had it last week

**deiffel** : i dunno izzy

_[deiffel sent an image]_

**deiffel:** looks like u to me :]

**ilovelace:** fuck

 **ilovelace:** so i definitely don’t have it done. how many lines do we have due

**hera:** 10

**ilovelace:** yeah class starts in like less than an hour i’m not getting that done

 **ilovelace:** anyone want to split?

**rminkowski:** Don’t worry Isabel :)

_[rminkowski sent an image]_

**rminkowski:** I got it!

**ilovelace:** god you’re perfect

**rminkowski:** Aw thanks you’re pretty great too :))

**deiffel:** jesus christ

**ilovelace > djacobi**

wednesday, 12:33 p.m.

**ilovelace:** i’m going to lose my mind

 **ilovelace:** i forgot i was supposed to do the latin hw this week

 **ilovelace:** and minkowski sent it for me since she always has it done

 **ilovelace:** so i complimented her. and she was like “aw thanks you’re cool too”

 **ilovelace:** i’m this close to snapping in the middle of calculus

**djacobi:** please do not we have a partner project and i don’t want pryce to make me work with eris again

**ilovelace:** what’s wrong with eris

**djacobi:** she’s creepy as hell

**ilovelace:** she’s nice when you get to know her

 **ilovelace:** but that’s not the point we’re talking about minkowski

**djacobi:** i don’t know what to tell you isn’t she still dating dominik

**ilovelace:** yeah

**djacobi:** it’s fucking renée what do you think she’s going to do cheat on him

**hephaestus club**

wednesday, 12:41 p.m.

**rminkowski:** I just found out that Dom is dating another girl ://

**ilovelace:**??? he’s WHAT

**rminkowski:** Yeah apparently he forgot we were dating ://

**deiffel:** what the fuck

**rminkowski:** We don’t have any of the same classes so we don’t see each other a lot but still

**hera:** aw renée i’m so sorry! that’s so shitty of him

**deiffel:** wow what a DICK! i’ll buy you a latte at the coffee bar

**ilovelace:** this is why i hate jocks

**hera:** but you are a jock

**ilovelace:** soccer doesn’t count

**deiffel:** i guess it doesn’t count when your team sucks and hasn’t won a game yet

**ilovelace:** fuck off. anyway i’ll beat him up for u honey

**rminkowski:** Thanks for the support guys!

 **rminkowski:** And don’t worry I have a harpoon at my house if I’m angry enough

**djacobi:** i was just about to say that i’m new here but i’m still sorry about dominik

 **djacobi:** but. you have a what now

**amaxwell:** get his ass

**wkepler:** Alana, violence isn’t the answer.

**amaxwell:** it is when someone’s a dick

**djacobi > ilovelace**

wednesday, 12:45 p.m.

**djacobi:** well.

**ilovelace:** like fuck dominik but this is undoubtedly a win

**“Am I bad because I’m cisgender?” -Warren Kepler, 2016**

wednesday, 1:49 p.m.

**amaxwell:** okay i KNOW our whole thing is trying to figure out what goes on in the hephaestus club

 **amaxwell:** but like wow fuck minkowski’s ex amiright

**djacobi:** well now lovelace has a chance to make a move

**amaxwell:** daniel she’s been making moves literally since the year started

 **amaxwell:** i hate to say it but i don’t think much is going to happen there

**wkepler:** I thought Renée was straight.

**djacobi:** i mean, she thinks she is

**amaxwell:** much like someone else we know eh daniel

**djacobi:** stop that

**wkepler:** Who?

**amaxwell:** oh no one you know mr kepler sir

**djacobi:** i still think this whole thing is stupid

**wkepler:** The Hephaestus Club has some of the smartest people in the school. 

**djacobi:** i invite you to look at douglas eiffel

**amaxwell:** hey doug is a dumbass but he’s actually pretty smart i have english with him

**djacobi:** well i still think this is the stupidest shit ever like whatever we want to find out how these dumbasses are managing to be at the top of the class

 **djacobi:** it’s ridiculous

**wkepler:** If Hera beats me for the Calculus award, there’s cheating involved, no question.

**amaxwell:** i think she’s just smart <3

**djacobi:** boooooo

**amaxwell:** homophobe

**djacobi:** yeah

**wkepler:** I thought you were gay, Daniel.

**amaxwell:** KDHGKSJDF

**_amaxwell_ ** **has changed the chat name to “”I thought you were gay, Daniel” -Warren Kepler, 2016”**

**djacobi:** this house is a fucking nightmare

**djacobi > ilovelace**

wednesday, 2:25 p.m.

**djacobi:** does this mean that you’re going to stop texting me about Renée

**ilovelace:** no <3

**djacobi:** die

**we suffer together**

wednesday 2:56 p.m.

**ahilbert:** I think we should band together and murder Mr. Cutter. He can’t stop us all. Some of us can cover the cameras while the others put cyanide in his Diet Pepsi he always has on his desk while he inevitably talks to Pryce in the hallway.

 **ahilbert:** It’s a perfect plan. If the cameras are covered, we can’t be to blame. I think Hera should be the one to do it, since Cutter obviously doesn’t hate her as much as he does the rest of us because she’s smart. She would be lower on the suspect list.

 **ahilbert:** Who’s in

**_ahilbert_ ** **has left “we suffer together”**

**ilovelace:** wait where did he go

**hera:** i kicked him

**rminkowski:** Why?

**hera:** because i hate him

**deiffel:** fair. but he also had a point

**hera:** oh definitely let’s do what he was saying i just hate him

**ilovelace:** deserved! who’s gonna get the cyanide

  
  


**deiffel > hera**

wednesday, 5:23 p.m.

**deiffel:** so

**hera:** so?

**deiffel:** alana :eyes:

**hera:** i hate you, die

**deiffel:** :eyes: :eyes: :eyes:

 **deiffel:** she’s cute! you should kiss her

**hera:** not everyone just goes and kisses people randomly doug

**deiffel:** i have

**hera:** Yeah I Know

 **hera:** i think everyone remembers that

**deiffel:** it was daniel’s birthday! what was i supposed to do!

**hera:** NOT THAT

**deiffel:** whatever

 **deiffel:** point is, you’re cute and she’s cute so go date or something

 **deiffel:** and she’s super smart!

**hera:** thanks babe <3

 **hera:** i’ll think about it, right now i’m still just busy with classes

**deiffel:** imagine being a senior and still taking hard classes

 **deiffel:** brought to you by senioritis gang

**hera:** >:[

 **hera:** you’re still getting good grades though

 **hera:** i am just dying every day

**deiffel:** hera baby you’re like the smartest person in the grade don’t sweat it

**hera:** i think kepler hates me

**deiffel:** what, warren? nah i think he’s just like that to everyone

**hera:** not to daniel and alana!

**deiffel:** yeah bc they’ve been friends since they were all like eight or something

 **deiffel:** i bet we’ve been friends longer tho :face blowing a kiss:

**hera:** yeah yeah

 **hera:** i’m still gonna kick his ass tho. i’m smarter than him

**deiffel:** well maybe THAT’S why he hates u!!

**hephaestus club**

thursday, 7:47 a.m.

**djacobi:** here’s a question

 **djacobi:** does this club actually meet? ever?

**deiffel:** yes!

**ilovelace:** no

**rminkowski:** Not really

**deiffel:** yes it does!

**amaxwell:** follow up question. hera, does this club actually meet? ever?

**djacobi:** why hera

**amaxwell:** because she generally knows what’s going on

**hera:** we met once freshman year after school on a tuesday and then we decided that all meetings are unofficial from now on

**deiffel:** we’ve met like five times this year!

**rminkowski:** We’ve gone to Kings Island five times this year, Doug.

**deiffel:** yeah, and it was great! we spent all that time at the top of drop tower looking at the sky! and stuff!

**ilovelace:** yeah the only people actually at the one (1) official meeting were doug, Renée, hera, and some douche named alexander

**hera:** fuck hilbert

**rminkowski:** fuck hilbert

**deiffel:** fuck hilbert

**amaxwell:** fuck… hilbert?

**djacobi:** is this the same hilbert who’s in our latin class

**ilovelace:** yeah we all hate him idk what actually happened

**deiffel:** we don’t talk about him in this group chat! 

**rminkowski:** ^^

**djacobi:** also i heard there’s a latin groupchat when can i get in

**hera:** no clue what you’re talking about, daniel!

**deiffel:** yeah haha what groupchat? what? your texts are coming through

**djacobi:** fine. whatever. whores.

**ilovelace:** POINT IS, hephaestus club doesn’t really meet i don’t know why you guys (warren daniel & alana) thought it would be fun to join

**deiffel:** WE GO TO KINGS ISLAND, ISABEL

**amaxwell > hera**

thursday, 7:52 a.m.

**amaxwell:** hey hera :-)

**hera:** what’s up alana

**amaxwell:** any chance i can get into the latin gc that you won’t let daniel into?

**hera:** weeeeeell i’ll have to ask the others

**amaxwell:** tell them i’ll be happy to pitch in! and i won’t share any answers with warren and daniel :flushed:

**hera:** ok ok i’ll ask

**amaxwell:** thank you :P

**we suffer together**

thursday, 8:02 a.m.

**hera:** hey guys can maxwell join

 **hera:** she promises to help

**deiffel:** boooooooo

**hera:** what!

**deiffel:** don’t let a cute girl into our cult of academic dishonesty just bc she smiled at you and has blue streaks in her hair

**hera:** i think that counts as a microaggression doug

**ilovelace:** look i don’t want her here either she’s too close with all the teachers i’m worried she’ll tell

**rminkowski:** I don’t know maybe she’ll be fine!

**ilovelace:** sigh. will she help w the homework

 **ilovelace:** because if we can work her into the schedule that’s more days i don’t have to do it

**hera:** she says she will

**deiffel:** i don’t think this is a good idea

**hera:** sorry baby i think you’re outvoted

**rminkowski:** Yeah I think it’ll be fine honestly

**deiffel:** whatever! WHATEVER!

**_amaxwell_ ** **has joined “we suffer together”**

**amaxwell:** hello! thank you hera <3

**deiffel:** :eyes:

**ilovelace:** i hear you’ll help with the homework

**amaxwell:** i sure will

**rminkowski:** Welcome! Don’t tell daniel or warren about this

**amaxwell:** well warren doesn’t even take latin but i’ll leave daniel out of the loop :P

**“I thought you were gay, Daniel” -Warren Kepler, 2016**

thursday, 8:23 a.m.

**amaxwell:** hacker voice i’m in

**hephaestus club**

thursday, 3:01 p.m.

**wkepler:** Why is this even called “Hephaestus Club”, anyway?

**rminkowski:** Oh god, don’t get him started

**deiffel:** oh it’s like this SUPER COOL station that orbited around this star a few years back! the story was AWESOME and it’s the farthest any station has ever been from earth! 7.9 light years!

**ilovelace:** didn’t the whole crew die

**deiffel:** not the WHOLE crew

**amaxwell:** that really brightens the mood of the club doesn’t it

**deiffel:** whatever! in other news kings island trip tomorrow after school who’s in

**ilovelace:** oh i am! i mean i might not be because if the soccer teams wins tonight we have a game tomorrow

**djacobi:** the soccer team? winning?

**ilovelace:** like i said, i’m in

**rminkowski:** Where’s the game, Isabel?

**ilovelace:** it’s home :)

**rminkowski:** I’ll be there!

**ilovelace:** neat

**djacobi > ilovelace**

thursday, 3:05 p.m.

**djacobi:** NEAT? NEAT???

**ilovelace:** YOU KNOW WHAT? AT LEAST I’M NOT ATTRACTED TO WARREN KEPLER

**djacobi:** WHO TOLD YOU THAT

**ilovelace:** NO ONE, WHORE

 **ilovelace:** YOU'RE JUST DEEPLY UNSUBTLE

**ilovelace > hera**

thursday, 3:07 p.m.

 **ilovelace:** you were right about jacobi's crush on kepler

**hera:** of course i was

**djacobi > ilovelace**

thursday, 3:07 p.m.

 **djacobi:** DIE RIGHT NOW???

**ilovelace:** no <3

**hephaestus club**

thursday, 3:06 p.m.

**djacobi:** well i guess i’ll go too

 **djacobi:** warren? alana?

**amaxwell:** yeah sure

**wkepler:** Sounds like a plan

**hera:** and i can come too 

**rminkowski:** I guess we’re all in then?

**deiffel:** yeah! see our group DOES meet up!!!

**ilovelace:** doug you know i love you

**deiffel:** sure

**ilovelace:** but we’re literally just going to an amusement park ten minutes from school

 **ilovelace:** this is a space club

**deiffel:** you know what

 **deiffel:** fuck you all!

**ilovelace:** damn eiffel’s got a potty mouth

  
  


**“I thought you were gay, Daniel” -Warren Kepler, 2016**

friday, 7:46 a.m.

**djacobi:** okay are we truly just going to kings island for funsies

**amaxwell:** i don’t know what we can possibly accomplish there

**wkepler:** The only thing we want to accomplish is finding out how these dumbasses are the best students in the grade

**amaxwell:** i can’t believe i’m friends with you

**djacobi:** i mean i guess there’s no harm in hanging out with them though

**amaxwell:** and they’re nice! 

**djacobi:** one of them is nicer than the rest huh alana

**amaxwell:** literally shut up gayboy

**hephaestus club**

friday, 3:00 p.m.

**deiffel:** okay i’m driving!

**hera:** no he’s not driving he’s so terrible at it. Renée will you drive

**deiffel:** but heraaaaaa

**hera:** just because you got your license doesn’t mean you can ACTUALLY drive sir

**djacobi:** yeah i trust Renée a lot more than doug

**deiffel:** :[

**amaxwell:** i’ll meet you at your car Renée!

**rminkowski:** I’m leaving at 3:16 if anyone is late they are being left behind

**deiffel:** jesus christ

**“I thought you were gay, Daniel” -Warren Kepler, 2016**

friday, 4:27 p.m.

**djacobi:** okay i just need to recount what the fuck i just saw

**amaxwell:** you good daniel?

**djacobi:** first: i see Renée’s shitty ex boyfriend dom. he has a new girlfriend. they are about to get in line for the diamondback

**wkepler:** Didn’t you, Renée, and Isabel go there too?

**djacobi:** yes

 **djacobi:** Renée freezes because she’s a nice person and probably feels bad. lovelace freezes because she wants to stand next to Renée at all costs

 **djacobi:** dom says “oh haha hi Renée funny seeing you here”

**amaxwell:** i’m going to chop his dick off

**djacobi:** isabel says “you’re an asshole” and then coughs like she didn’t mean to say it

 **djacobi:** i am just standing there awkwardly

 **djacobi:** Renée says “you know what? yeah you are!”

 **djacobi:** dom side eyes his new gf

 **djacobi:** AND THEN

**wkepler:** I’m so intrigued

**djacobi:** Renée says, “well i ALSO have a new girlfriend so. sucks for you”

**amaxwell:** she WHAT

**djacobi:** AND SHE TURNS TO LOVELACE AND KISSES HER LIKE FULL ON THE MOUTH

**wkepler:** Jesus Christ

**djacobi:** dom is bright red at this point, he takes poor girlfriend’s hand and basically sprints away from the rollercoaster

 **djacobi:** Renée leans back immediately and starts apologizing. lovelace says “did you mean that?”

 **djacobi:** I Am Still Just Standing Here

**amaxwell:** oh my god

**kepler:** I hope you know that Alana is recounting this whole thing to Doug and Hera, who are reacting appropriately

**djacobi:** probably should have just messaged the main group chat

 **djacobi:** point is, they’re now holding hands in line for the diamondback. they did kiss again. i am sitting at the tables right outside the gift shop where are the rest of you guys so i can leave

**amaxwell:** daniel i’m fuckigdfsflkj i’m pissing myself 

**wkepler:** We’re at Top Gun

**djacobi:** top gun?

**wkepler:** Goddamnit Daniel it’s called Stuntcoaster now but that’s such a bad name

**djacobi:** oh that one. omw

**amaxwell > djacobi**

friday, 4:42 p.m.

**amaxwell:** daniel

**djacobi:** alana

**amaxwell:** haha what if we sat next to each other on the stuntcoaster while you explained to me the history of the rollercoaster and also the entire park while i nodded along and made sarcastic comments at the appropriate moments

 **amaxwell:** and we were both boys

**djacobi:** i am going to dropkick you into the sun

**amaxwell:** you love me <3

**djacobi:** did you have a reason for texting me? i thought you were on your way to ride boo blasters with hera

**amaxwell:** you should take kepler on boo blasters

 **amaxwell:** it’s the most romantic ride 

**djacobi:** it’s in the kiddie section

**amaxwell:** and?

**djacobi:** … fine. maybe i will.

**amaxwell:** Great. Let’s go be monsters.

**djacobi:** i am begging you to stop

**amaxwell:** no that’s the funniest thing you have ever said

**djacobi:** alana please

**amaxwell:** we were literally just cheating on pryce’s test

**djacobi:** okay we are on our way hopefully we’ll catch up with you in line

**amaxwell:** you can be the assholes who cut so you’re in line with us

**djacobi:** how sweet, you do love me

**djacobi > ilovelace**

friday, 4:51 p.m.

**djacobi:** will you stop talking to me about Renée NOW?

**ilovelace:** no <3

**djacobi:** get fucked

**ilovelace:** hopefully i will <3

**djacobi:** LITERALLY DIE

**hephaestus club**

friday, 8:22 p.m.

**deiffel:** well this certainly was a productive night

 **deiffel:** i feel like this club is going to go splendidly the rest of the year

**rminkowski:** Hear hear

**djacobi:** sure doug sure

**ilovelace:** actually yknow what tonight went well

**amaxwell:** i’m excited

**wkepler:** Sure

**hera:** i had fun!

**deiffel:** great okay. i have a question for alana warren and daniel tho

**amaxwell:** shoot

**deiffel:** why did you join the club it’s only been me, Renée, isabel, and hera for years

**djacobi:** because kepler wanted to figure out how you dumbasses are the smartest in the school and will probably get valedictorian over him

**wkepler:** Daniel what the hell

**deiffel:** i’m sorry

 **deiffel:** WHAT

**ilovelace > djacobi**

friday 8:27 p.m.

**ilovelace:** now that isn’t a very good way to get a man daniel

**djacobi:** goddamnit isabel. maybe if i’m mean to him he’ll actually realize he’s gay

**ilovelace:** well good luck mister jacobi

  
**djacobi:** thanks. i'll probably need it

**hephaestus club**

monday, 7:32 a.m.

**rminkowski:** So I'm early to school today, and Dom comes up to my locker

 **rminkowski:** Dom: "How are you?" Me: "Fine" Dom: "How's your new girlfriend?" Me: "Fine" Dom: "Haha, am I the one that turned you gay?"

 **rminkowski:** So that's how my morning is going

**hera:** renée i think that's technically a microaggression

**rminkowski:** Is it? Hera I only just figured out that I'm bi

**ilovelace:** jesus fucking christ

**Author's Note:**

> it's important to me that you know that just about every plot point in this fic HAS happened to me at some point. yes my latin groupchat has a homework schedule. yes someone came up with a detailed plan to murder the latin teacher. yes my ex boyfriend asked if he turned me gay. now these adult war criminals get to go through my trauma  
> jsyk, kings island is a lovely amusement park that i have been to many times in my life! that is what they are referencing  
> pls leave comments and kudos they make me very happy and talk to me on twitter @lcvelaces!


End file.
